<div class="section1"><div class="Normal"><script language="javascript">doweshowbellyad=0; </script><br />NEW DELHI: Talk about nightmares and mixed metaphors. Bad food, worse politics, terrible cricket and a washed-out Olympics full of Indian politicians can be fare for indigestion. Put it all together and you can well dream disaster.<br /><br />That''s when "imagine" is no more dreamy and Lennonesque and fantasy takes on horror proportions.
Dreamt last night that The Establishment, not content with presiding over all sporting activity, was padding up to replace those guys struggling out there in England.<br /><br />If the men in blue somehow seem all wrong put together, imagine – that word again – what my team was doing in the field. <br /><br />There were...<br /><br /><span style="" font-weight:="" bold="">Captain Manmohan Singh, loath to go out there and bat</span><br /><br />The captain is no stranger to batting, but is generally considered too meek and pliant for global sport. So he’s taken lessons in aggression from predecessor Sourav Ganguly. Occasionally, he practices on team mates. <br /><br />As is wont to happen in the average cricket team, some senior players are sulking. For most part, the Captain would much rather the game finishes before he has to go out there and play. So he’s too busy keeping busy!<br /><br /><span style="" font-weight:="" bold="">Next Page: </span><a href="/articleshow/msid-837346,curpg-2.cms" style="" font-face:arialfont-size:10ptfont-weight:boldcolor:0066cc="">Sonia Gandhi, Lalu </a><br /><br /></div> </div><div class="section2"><div class="Normal"><br /><span style="" font-weight:="" bold="">Non-playing Captain Sonia Gandhi, straining to go out there and bat</span><br /><br />When everyone zeroed in on her as captain of the team, she refused. Now she’s feeling a trifle left out. Can’t figure out a role for herself – she’s just not got enough experience to be coach, but she’s too senior to be 12th man.<br /><br />Currently she is insisting on setting the field, while Manmohan wonders why he is called captain.<br /><br /><span style="" font-weight:="" bold="">Vice-Capt Lalu , who has since suspended being Bihar cricket board chief</span><br /><br />Lalu is an all-rounder after a fashion. Hooks when he bats, he’s lethal and fairly accurate with the ball, though he generally has a tendency to bowl at his own team mates. Lalu prefers a few substitutes like Taslimmudin and Prem Chand Gupta as his close-in field, which forces regular members of the team to sit out those overs. Mostly, many of them don’t want to be on the ground at the same time as the TMs (tainted ministers, not team mates).<br /><br /><span style="" font-weight:="" bold="">Next Page: </span><a href="/articleshow/msid-837346,curpg-3.cms" style="" font-face:arialfont-size:10ptfont-weight:boldcolor:0066cc="">Opening batsman Vajpayee</a><span style="" font-weight:="" bold=""> </span><br /><br /></div> </div><div class="section3"><div class="Normal"><span style="" font-weight:="" bold="">Vajpayee, prolific opening batsman, ex-Captain; a little out of sorts</span><br /><br />Great brand, bats copybook style. Like Sachin, when he is in form there is no player like Vajpayee. But to the great dismay of his many fans, he’s not really got his heart in the game right now. Like Sachin, he has a joint problem, his is in the legs. But he usually overcomes injury with as much dexterity as he can, and with a poetic line or two to boot. He’s soldiering on, despite setbacks, because this game is incomplete without Vajpayee.<br /><br /><span style="" font-weight:="" bold="">Sharad Pawar, wields a heavy bat, not been among the runs recently</span><br /><br />When Pawar hits out, he can put quite a few over the fence. Likely to open with Vajpayee as he has the ability to score fast when he gets going. Is not terribly fond of the non-playing captain, but keeps his opinion to himself as he would like to keep his place in the side. There is some issue on whether he will be selected at all next month, so is holding on for dear life, save the odd grumble here and there.<br /><br /><span style="" font-weight:="" bold="">Next Page: </span><a href="/articleshow/msid-837346,curpg-4.cms" style="" font-face:arialfont-size:10ptfont-weight:boldcolor:0066cc="">L K Advani</a><br /><br /></div> </div><div class="section4"><div class="Normal"><span style="" font-weight:="" bold="">Harkishen Singh Surjeet, almost 90, but retains place</span><br /><br />Surjeet is invaluable when the chips are down. Playing abilities apart – a little tough to play anything at that age – he has a quick fix for every solution. Does he bat or bowl? Nobody really remembers what he began as, but he has a decent enough googly.<br /><br /><span style="" font-weight:="" bold="">L K Advani, aggressive, energetic, tends to go after the bowling</span><br /><br />Sehwagian? It’s a difficult to imagine this batsman on the defensive. Hits out at everything from the word go. It’s either bull''s eye or is out at the first ball, there are no average performances. If Advani is in good nick and connecting well, he scores the fastest centuries. Equally, he piles on the ducks. There are no average performances.<br /><br /><span style="" font-weight:="" bold="">Next Page: </span><a href="/articleshow/msid-837346,curpg-5.cms" style="" font-face:arialfont-size:10ptfont-weight:boldcolor:0066cc="">Rahul Gandhi, new kid on the block</a><br /><br /></div> </div><div class="section5"><div class="Normal"><span style="" font-weight:="" bold="">George Fernandes, keeper. Of what, you ask? Wickets, here</span><br /><br />Safe enough pair of hands though can’t catch when they are tied. That’s been very often recently, with some team members not allowing him to speak, move et al. Good at sledging, protesting, cajoling till the umpire’s finger goes up. Can bat adequately when required, but don’t expect to see many flourishes right now.<br /><br /><span style="" font-weight:="" bold="">Rahul Gandhi, new kid on the block</span><br /><br />Untried, untested, but of impeccable lineage - three Gandhi generations have played at the international level. He’s here because of his last name, but great hopes have been pinned on that DNA. Bowls disarmingly, and the team is counting on him to charm opponents into submission if the game gets too tough.<br /><br /><span style="" font-weight:="" bold="">Next Page: </span><a href="/articleshow/msid-837346,curpg-6.cms" style="" font-face:arialfont-size:10ptfont-weight:boldcolor:0066cc="">The gentleman in the game</a><br /><br /></div> </div><div class="section6"><div class="Normal"><span style="" font-weight:="" bold="">Ram Vilas Paswan, bowls, regardless of line or length</span><br /><br />He’s here on what must be a cricketing first. A quota that he invented. Neither group within the team can figure out exactly where he belongs. Right now claims to be on the Singh side of things but is aiming relentlessly at vice-captain Lalu. Not a very dependable player, should not be given the last over to bowl in a tight match. Will probably bat last, look out for hit wicket.<br /><br /><span style="" font-weight:="" bold="">Jaswant Singh, the gentleman in the game</span><br /><br />He’s along because he can out-speak the Brits at the Queen’s language. In an accent that’s so tough to figure out, he’ll have them guessing at something at least. The dapper Singh has much overseas experience and can adapt to foreign pitches, weather etc.<br /><br /><span style="" font-weight:="" bold="">Next Page: </span><a href="/articleshow/msid-837346,curpg-7.cms" style="" font-face:arialfont-size:10ptfont-weight:boldcolor:0066cc="">The veterans</a><br /><br /></div> </div><div class="section7"><div class="Normal"><span style="" font-weight:="" bold="">Amar Singh, gate-crashed</span><br /><br />He has the unique ability to be everywhere. If he’s not asked along, why he just drops in. Believes resolutely that he should be given a place in every activity, even if it’s just not cricket. As usual wasn’t picked for the side but has managed to squirm in. Will bowl his medium pacers, though Captain Singh and Super Captain Gandhi really couldn’t care less.<br /><br /><span style="" font-weight:="" bold="">Pranab Mukherjee and Arjun Singh, strictly wannabe</span><br /><br />Were brought along for the sheer experience that they carry. But the two veterans are now refusing to play till they are made Captain. Both are waiting in the wings till then, though neither can be quite imagined agreeing to be the 12th man.<br /><br />Think of it, this team has more chiefs than Indians. Did it fare any better in this dream match than Sourav’s 11 did? Didn’t wait to find out. Woke up in cold sweat.</div> </div>
